Crap Lyrics: A celebration of the very worst pop lyrics of all time... EVER! - Softcover

Sharp, Johnny

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1906032599 ISBN 13: 9781906032593

Publisher: Portico, 2009

Synopsis

A celebration of the very worst pop lyrics of all time ... ever! 'Why do I find it hard to write the next line?' Spandau Ballet once asked. Even the greatest songwriters (and Spandau Ballet) have had the odd bad day at the office. Or more likely, a bad few minutes in the studio toilets scribbling the first words they can think of on the back of their tranquiliser prescription shortly before the vocal has to be recorded. Johnny Sharp has trawled half a century of lyrics to find the funniest examples of crippled couplets, outrageous innuendo, mixed metaphors, shameless self-delusion, nefarious nonsense and flagrant filth. Not to mention unforgivable over-use of alliteration. Crap Lyrics is a humorous celebration (and occasionally, condemnation) of over 120 of the most ridiculous hooks, lines and stinkers from pop poetry through the modern ages. Johnny Sharp has spent 15 years as a music journalist, and several of those years writing for NME under the name Johnny Cigarettes, so he knows that ridicule is nothing to be scared of. He's serious as cancer when he asks: Are we human, or are we dancer? And where do we go from here? Is it down to the lake, I fear? While moving like a tortoise, full of rigor mortis? Whether you're a diplomat, or even down the Laundromat, if you have ever heard a song and thought 'You what?', this is the book for you.

About this title

About the Author

Johnny Sharp is a London-based writer who writes regularly for The Guardian, Q, Mojo, and London Lite, and who was previously one of the NME's best known feature writers, working under his school nickname Johnny Cigarettes. He has also contributed to publications as diverse as The Daily Telegraph, Bizarre, loaded, FourFourTwo, Minx, Xerox photocopiers customer magazine, Viz, and Militant. At the NME Johnny was popular with readers, but not always with musicians. Liam Gallagher publically threatened to assault him for a critical review, then when told Johnny was well over six feet tall, announced that he would 'stand on a chair' and do it. The Verve's Richard Ashcroft had to be physically restrained from attacking him in the slightly surreal arena of Barcelona FC's Nou Camp stadium when Johnny bumped into him at the European Cup Final there in 1999. Other career highlights include unwisely swallowing a green substance offered by noted bon viveur Shaun Ryder and ending up spending several hours licking a radiator, and once taking part in a 'naked protest' at Glastonbury festival. He only disrobed for around 30 seconds, but the resulting picture was printed in NME and his mother had to buy up all the copies in her local newsagents to avoid bringing shame on the family. You may see him stooping to similar levels of indignity to promote this book.

Synopsis

This is a witty celebration of the worst lyrics ever to grace the airwaves. After all, there are bad lines, and then there are really bad lines. Snap sang "I'm as serious as cancer" in "Rhythm Is a Dancer", while Duran Duran opined 'You're about as easy as a nuclear war' in "Is There Something I Should Know". Spandau Ballet even named a song, "Instinction", after a word that didn't exist. And even the mighty have their off days - Bob Dylan may have written protest anthem "Blowing in the Wind" but he also wrote "Wiggle, Wiggle, like a Bowl of Soup". Even Kate Bush, who spent 10 years writing her eagerly-anticipated "Aerial" album, came out with a song (Mrs Bartolozzi) about a washing machine: "Slooshy sloshy slooshy sloshy / Get that dirty shirty clean"...This is a supremely well-written book on a great topic, by an author who has toiled at the cliff-face of British pop music for years. Who better to steer a narrative path through the convoluted wordplay and hackneyed cliches of crap lyrics?It features awkward phrases, mixed metaphors and platitudes: they're all here to entertain and amuse.

Featuring songwriters and musicians from Spandau Ballet to Shakira, it is the natural successor to Portico's popular "The Ants Are My Friends".

Edition details

• Publisher: Portico
• Publication date: 2009
• ISBN 10: 1906032599
• ISBN 13: 9781906032593
• Binding: Paperback
• Language: English
• Number of pages: 192